A New Year.
I received an email last week, from Alison over at more! magazine. She challenged us Blog Boudoir gals to another challenge; this one being a post on what the New Year means to us. I adore writing reflective, personal posts - I find them so intriguing and insightful on other people's blogs.
I suppose I'll begin on reflecting back over 2011. Overall, it wasn't a good year for me, at all. A ton of negatives occurred, which somehow overshadowed all of the positive occurrences. It's a pity, 2010 was quite a dreadful year for me too, to be honest..
School was a huge stress on me earlier this year, not only was my Leaving Certificate coming up, but I was also on the graduation and debs committees, along with being on the student council. I was up to my eyeballs with stress and it honestly didn't go away until after my exams in June. Waiting all Summer for results was also horrible, that permanent dread in your stomach that just doesn't go away!
The biggest blow of the year for me though, was of course being denied a place at the London College of Fashion in March. I'm sure most of you know the story already, but for those of you that don't; I spent all of 2010 attending open days for LCF, unnecessary open days - I just wanted to go to show my determination. I applied for the Fashion Journalism course, and my application was accepted. Out of 750 applicants, only 150 of us were called over for an exam and interview. I flew over in early March with my Nana for the interview, and was a bucket of nerves! Only 75 of us got through after the written exam, so I had made it through every stage so far. Next was the interview, which I thought went well - but it obviously didn't. I was notified a few days after that I didn't get through, through the UCAS site. I only received one word: 'Unsuccessful'. Just that one word. After €1,000 spent on travel, sleepless nights, exams, interviews.. I was told no, with just one little word. I was heartbroken. I couldn't even attend school that day, I cried for hours and hours on end. I literally felt my dreams had been shattered.
Looking back though, I now realise that everything happens for a reason. Not only was I extremely young in comparison to all of the other applicants, I also lacked 'worldly experience'. I somehow assumed that the minute I turned 18, I'd suddenly become extra-mature and confident, and prance off to London without a look back. How wrong I was! I'm glad I was denied the place now, it was for the better. I made it so far, and I congratulate myself for that. When I apply again in the next few years, at least I'll be older, more mature and wiser and have the experience of previously applying behind me.
2011 also brought a ton of other devastations to me; my exam results (they were good, but not what I had hoped for), cyber abuse getting wayyy too out of hand online and my confidence plummeting to an all time low.
I do have some positives to throw into this blog post of course, but as I've stated; the negatives were such a big hit to me, they overshadowed anything positive that happened to me this year.
My blog and youtube have become very successful this year, I won a place on more! magazine's Blog Boudoir, I was featured in KISS magazine, I won a ton of comps during the Summer, I turned 18, I finished school, I took part in photo-shoots, I was offered an internship at Thinkhouse and a lot, lot more that I just cannot think of.
2011 was probably the toughest year of my life so far, but 2012 will probably be just as tough.
Next year, I'm undergoing a huge surgery that will take around half a year of healing - hopefully less. I'm sure most of you know already, but I'm getting both of my jaws repositioned. I have an underbite, which is basically my lower jaw sticking out prominently. It's made me develop a lisp, and some serious confidence issues. It's an orthodontic procedure, but of course there's cosmetic elements too. I've lived with an underbite, and daily abuse because of it, since the age of 13. To say I'm excited about the operation, is an understatement! I am dying to look "normal". I dread the recovery side of it, but I know it'll all be worth it in the end. I don't have a confirmed date for the surgery, but hopefully it'll be around Summer time. Please don't say "Oh, but you don't need it. You're grand the way you are!", it annoys me SO MUCH! If I was grand the way I was, I wouldn't be getting this operation in the first place. I've had such a bad time with my mouth over the years, that everything I'm getting done, is for free. It's easy to say things, without actually stepping inside someone's shoes and realising how they feel. The day I wake up feeling confident again, will be the best day of my life! I haven't felt genuinely good about myself in years.
2012 will be a new beginning for me, and I can't wait to close the 2011 chapter of my life. I want to travel, explore my creative side more, to make this blog and my youtube even bigger and HOPEFULLY move to London around this time, next year.
I don't have any resolutions really, as I find I never stick to them. All I wish for is to have a happy year, and for my operation to go smoothly and for my recovery to be quick and painless. I also hope the apocalypse doesn't happen.. seriously. December 22nd will be one nerve-wracking day, I'm far too superstitious for my own good! Haha.
This post turned out longer than I expected, and if you read it all - well done! I wish everyone a fabulous new year, it's an amazing feeling; a new start!
Do you have any New Year's resolutions?